id be glad to
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
