yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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