I'm eating all of the evidence.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Randomize
