3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
