things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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