Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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