from now on my penis is your penis
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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