Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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