So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
