how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
