its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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