When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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