i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
