my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
