I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I will be naked everywhere
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
