Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
