There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
