the new term for farting is butt boxing.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
