My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
We were destined to go to rehab together
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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