Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
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