I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
