I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
