Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
