I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
