Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
