I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
