My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
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