I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
