That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
