Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
