He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
