my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
