Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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