take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
