This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
