you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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