i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
