I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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