I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
