i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
