Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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