Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize