I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
