And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
