True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
