I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
