Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Drunk is not a location!
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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