is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
