Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
