so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
