Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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