my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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