Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Randomize
