This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
