mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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