apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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