I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
