the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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