Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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