I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
