I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
