My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
