if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
