and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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