Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
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