Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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